If decades of romantic comedies have taught us anything, it’s that even professional daters can use some guidance in the love department. In the Netflix holiday rom-com Love Hard, Nina Dobrev stars as Natalie Bauer, a whip-smart, L.A.-based romance columnist who’s perpetually unlucky at love. Though Natalie’s fans enjoy reading about her dating disasters, after a while, going out with guys featured on Hoarders or promising Libras named Ted who ghost her, starts to get old. So, our protagonist does what any single woman would in times of crisis: She hits the dating apps. Then, by sheer luck (and a dozen dates with duds), she finds the perfect guy: He’s handsome, charismatic, passionate about life and all things outdoors — but he lives nearly 3,000 miles away, in the quaint village of Lake Placid, New York. Now with the holidays approaching, Natalie must figure out how to meet her perfect match. 

As fans tune in to watch Dobrev’s character navigate yet another dating disaster, she caught up with Tudum to discuss Natalie’s romantic life, the phenomenon of catfishing and just what it takes to find love. 

Let’s start by discussing your character, Natalie: She completely changes herself in pursuit of a partner and then flies across the country to surprise him. Have you done anything, well, out there for love?

I’ve racked up a lot of frequent flyer miles for love. I’ve sort of done what Natalie has done — [just not with] someone I’ve never met before. I love surprising people and catching people off guard. I’ve definitely flown to surprise people in crazy places.

Would you consider Natalie’s decision romantic? Or was it maybe a little too… out there?

There was a romantic optimism. She probably had this image and idea [about] what was going to happen when she got there, and then the reality didn’t match the expectation. [You] fall into [a] trap when you expect something and then someone disappoints you.

The debate over catfishing, or portraying a different, less-realistic version of yourself on a dating app, is one of the most striking things about this film. Is catfishing ever good or useful when dating?

For sure. You can definitely see the humanity [in it]. Everyone makes mistakes, and they do things for righteous reasons, even if [it’s] not the right thing to do. But, at the same time, I always think it’s best to lead with honesty. Starting any relationship on a lie is not the best foundation to grow up on. Everybody catfishes to one degree or another, though. Everyone’s putting forward the version of themselves that they once were, or they want to be in the future. [It’s] this glossy, perfect version that isn’t real. That’s why they call it a honeymoon phase.

Aside from recasting the catfishing narrative, Love Hard is culturally moving the needle in unexpected ways. Your character’s love interests are both Asian men — despite Hollywood’s long, discriminatory history of infrequently casting Asian men as love interests. Is that something you talked about on set or during the production process?

We did and we didn’t. In a way, we wanted to illuminate the issue so that people are aware of it, but not lean into it so much. [We wanted people] to just see [the love interests] as who they are. They are heartthrobs and they are romantic leads. It was a debate on set [of] how much to lean into it, and I think it was perfectly handled. Jimmy [O. Yang, who plays Josh,] did such a great job, and Darren [Barnet, as Tag,] was so wonderful. The producers and the director made a lot of effort to make sure that [throughout] the whole movie, [you] really didn’t know who she was going to end up with, because, at the end of the day, it’s not about that. The theme of the movie is to try to get people to not look at exteriors and look at the human inside. That can come in all kinds of different shapes, sizes, cultures, ethnicities. She fell in love with these humans. It’s really great, and it was a very wonderfully diverse cast that needs to be represented more in film and television. I’m glad that we were part of that.

And in the end, we don’t even know which person Natalie will end up with. Is that one of the reasons audiences may be attracted to the film? 

Yeah. When you see these humans [on screen], there’s nothing wrong with them. They’re both wonderful catches; they’re both great guys that have wonderful qualities. Obviously everyone has flaws, but, more than anything, it’s not about finding the perfect person — it’s about finding the perfect person for you. We wanted it to be a back-and-forth struggle. 

How do you choose? You choose because of who your heart and your soul connects with more, not the physical appearance that’s gonna fade eventually. It’s all about the person who is going to make you laugh until you cry for the rest of your life, the person you can be your most authentic self with. That’s key, in my opinion. And that’s what was great about this film.

This movie also has a lot of fun moments, like when you sing a reworked version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” altered to be about consent. Where did that idea come from?

It’s not a new thing. People have been talking about that song for a few years now. Some places have banned it. It’s a very controversial topic, depending on who you’re talking to. And so it felt very timely and fun to pay homage to the classic, and, at the same time, revamp it and make it more appropriate, make it more consent based. This is the 2021 version. A lot of things didn’t age gracefully with time, and that song is one of those things.

You also sing “I Would Do Anything for Love” in a pivotal karaoke scene. So we have to ask: Do you have a go-to karaoke song?

Yes. It’s kind of a cheat because it's more of a rap. My go-to karaoke [song] is “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix A Lot. It’s a fun one. I love it.

While we are on the subject of you, and not Natalie, you’re in a committed relationship (with professional snowboarder Shaun White) right now, and you’re playing a character who isn’t. What’s your advice for the single folks trying to find love during the holiday season?

It needs to be organic. Let the universe bring what is meant to bring to you. Don’t hold on to things that aren’t meant to be with you. If you’re on a dating app and you’re putting yourself out there, put yourself out there, but any kind of desperate energy can be felt on either side — especially if you’re trying to do [it] just for the holidays. That doesn’t feel very genuine. If you’re looking for someone for the holidays, specifically, then that probably means you need to call your therapist and do some work on yourself.

That’s another thing that I’ve personally been working on for a long time: trying to bring the focus back to myself and be whole in myself, with or without a partner. In order to be with someone else, you need to be there for yourself, first, and be content with who you are. You have to be complete in yourself. 

Any tips or tricks for online dating? 

It’s a balance of including photos that are flattering, goofy, show your personality, and show your hobbies and interests. If somebody isn’t swiping on you, that’s because they’re not right for you. It also really depends on what phase of your life you’re in. That’s a very 30s thing to say, for someone who is looking for lasting connection, versus someone in their 20s, who might just be looking for fun.  

A lot of fans are excited to see Vampire Diaries on Netflix right now, and it seems like more people are discovering it as of late. Have you noticed newer fans emerging? What do you think about people continuing to fall in love with the show?

 I definitely feel as though there has been a resurgence. A new generation that was too young to watch it when it first came out is discovering it now. A lot of people that didn’t have time to [watch it] when it was on the air watched it [during] the pandemic. [They gave] it a second life. It was so strange. During the pandemic, I was getting recognized more than I had in years, and I think that’s why. It’s pretty cool that this thing we put so much of our love and heart and energy into is continuing to be enjoyed. We made it so people can watch it and love it. That was the whole goal and point from the very beginning.

 And I’m sure those people are gonna watch Love Hard, too. “Hey, I know her!”

 I hope so! 

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.